Oh The Horror!
by WhiteRusskie
Summary: Jacqueline and Edmund are a lovely couple going to spend the night at the Underbridge Hotel. There will be screams of terror and unspeakable bursts of laughter! Featuring Rod Sterling as narrator! Enjoy the madness if you dare!
1. Act 1

Act 1

**Characters:**

Rod Sterling_ (ghost narrator)_

Jacqueline_ (heroine)_

Edmund_ (Fiancé)_

Clive 'Pretty Face' Bradley _(Host/Master)_

Wesley Englunder _(Phantom Lover)_

Carrie Weiss _(the lunatic)_

Dannyman _(Pimp)_

Helen Sweets _(twins)_

Mike and Jas _(bodyguards)_

Dead Partiers _(guest of Underbridge) _

Leather Freaks _(Pretty Face's minions)_

**And Introducing…..**

The Kubrick Effect _(band from another dimension)_

Scene 1

_(It's dark at first then a spot light shines on a man wearing a black suite with a cigarette in his hand. There are portraits on each side)_

Rod Sterling: Good evening fans of horror. As for most of you all know I've narrated for Twilight Zone and The Night Gallery before my death but that hasn't stopped me from telling this one story that hasn't been told…..yet. _(the spotlight switches on the portraits on each side) _On my right is a happy couple that could be seen anywhere around the world but if you look closely the boyfriend is the vampire but that's not the scare of the story. On my left is a painting of a hotel, beautiful yet unspeakable horrors lurk inside. Horrors that would haunt them for the rest of their lives. It all begins on an engagement.

_Exit Rod Sterling_

Scene 2

_Enter Jacqueline and Edmund_

Jacqueline: _(holding unto Edmund's arms, gazing at him admiringly) _Oh Edmund, I love you so much.

Edmund: I love you too _(stops walking, kneels on one knee) _In fact I want to spent the rest of my life with you. _(pulls out a ring, Jacqueline is speechless for a long moment)_ Well….is it a yes?

Jacqueline: Oh Edmund I…..I don't know what to say. _(Walks away) _I mean it's…only been two months and I'm only eighteen.

Edmund: I know it sounds so soon _(he walks to her. Carrie stalks them behind the bushes.) _But I feel that it's right.

Jacqueline: Oh Edmund….yes. Yes I will! _(Takes the ring, fumbles then Carrie throws a pamphlet at Edmund) _

Edmund: Ow! Where did that come from?

Jacqueline: I don't know, it must have tumbled in the wind.

Edmund: There wasn't any wind _(picks it up) _'The Underbridge Hotel: The perfect place for any occasion. _(Jacqueline takes the pamphlet. Reads it)_

Jacqueline: 'The number one place to spend your honeymoon," Oh Edmund! This is perfect after the wedding!

Edmund: I don't know….

Jacqueline: Oh please, Edmund….for me!

Edmund: _(smiles) _alight, for you.

_(They kiss and exit. Carrie hovers over the bushes smiling madly)_

Carrie: Oh once you lovely couple go into the hotel, you'll never want to leave!

_(Carrie laughs then exits) _


	2. Act 2

Act 2

Scene 1

_Enter Jacqueline and Edmund in a white Pontiac. It is snowing very heavily._

Jacqueline: I can barely see anything.

Edmund: Yeah, that would be the last time I listen to the weather man. Nice and sunny indeed!

Jacqueline: Well the snow did come in suddenly. _(Shivers)_ Burr! It's freezing in here. I wish I brought a coat. _She hugs herself; Edmund becomes distracted by her breasts. She screams. _Watch out! _They skid off to a ditch._

Edmund: _(Blushing) _Wow…that deer just came out of no where.

Jacqueline: Oh shit!

Edmund: What did you just say?

Jacqueline: I meant 'oh crap' sorry. _Someone taps on the car window. They both scream._

Sweet 1: Hey guys, you need a ride! _Edmund stares at her barely covered breasts. Jacqueline notices and gives him an angry stare. He looks away blushing._

Jacqueline: No thank you.

Edmund:_ (pipes in happily)_ Yes ma'am, we would defiantly love a ride.

Jacqueline: Edmund!

Sweet 2: That's great! Helen and I you crash and it looked like you need help. So where are you guys heading.

Edmund: The Underbridge Hotel

Sweet 1: That's fabulous! That's where our pimp is taking us

Both: A pimp?

Sweet 2: Yeah, Pimp Dandyman. He takes us to the Underbridge every year to celebrate.

Sweet1: Of course every day is a celebration. _They laugh and kiss right in front of the couple. They both for very different reasons. Dandyman yells in the distance. _

Dandyman: Come on sweeties! Christine and I can't wait all day!

_Sweet 1 and 2 exit. Jacqueline stops Edmund._

Jacqueline: I think this is a very bad idea to go with them. I mean those girls have a pimp!

Edmund: Just relax Jacqueline, they're just taking us to the Hotel and nothing more.

Sweets: (_yells in the background_ ) Come on guys, we're freezing.

_Exit Jacqueline and Edmund_

Scene 2

_Enter Rod Sterling, Dandyman, and Sweets. The spotlight shines on Sterling. _

Sterling: As excepted their troubles has just begun. They are stranded in a middle of a blizzard that came out of no where and their only help is a pimp, his whores, and a mysterious Christine. This small party would be a glimpse to the events that would take place at the Underbridge Hotel.

_Exits Rod Sterling, the spotlight is on Dandyman and the Sweets. _

_Enter Jacqueline and Edmund_

Dandyman: Good evening, I'm guessing you are going to the Underbrige as well?

Edmund: Yes, we're going there for the honeymoon.

Sweet 1: Oh that's so sweet

Sweet 2: That's very sweet. _They laugh. They're about to make out again when Dandyman stopped them._

Dandyman: Alright girls, we need to get going. We can't keep this lovely couple waiting. _Dandyman, Sweets, Jacqueline, and Edmund step into a 1957 red Plymouth. _

Edmund: _(tapping the car)_ Wow, this is one sweet ride but I think it isn't built for this kind of weather.

Dandyman: First off _(he points his bloody stumped arm with a hook. Edmund looks on in fear) _Don't call Christine an it and second don't hit her. The only person allowed to hit her are me and my bitches. Isn't that right, sweeties? _The Sweets giggle._

Jacqueline: Sorry about that sir, I'm sure he didn't mean it. So did you name her after the movie _Christine?_

Dandyman: A no, I named her after the first white girl I had sex with. She had red hair and a body every man wanted to get in. I was actually the first to pluck her cherry and when her father found out he decided to cut off my penis.

Jacqueline: And did he?

Dandyman: Nope, I told him this was my penis _(holds up his severed stump)._ The funny thing was he actually believed it. I remember before dying him saying, 'See, I told you these people were different from us. It's no wonder they reproduce so quickly'.

Jacqueline: That's sounds terrible, when was this?

Dandyman: Before the Civil War….and we're here. _They stop, there is a sign that says 'Welcome to the Underbridge' under the sign says 'Turn back, Beware'_

Edmund: Why is there a warning sign?

Dandyman: Oh it's just an old sign from last year. They had a pretty bad roach problem and they forgot to take it down. So let's keep moving. _They drive to the Hotel, behind the sign it says 'You're Fucked!' _


	3. Act 3

Act 3

Scene 1

_(Edmund, Jacqueline, Dandyman, and Sweet Twins enter. They walk up the stairs to a door where two strong men are guarding each side, both are wearing masks. Lights turn on. Edmund tries to knock on the door only to get his hand caught)._

Jas: No

Edmund: Ow! Sorry, are you wanting to see ID?

Jas: No

Edmund: Well, then we're allowed to come in then. Come on Jacqueline.

Jas: _(holds his arm up to the door) _No

Edmund: Oh come on! We're cold, we're hungry and we want to consummate! Now let us in!

Jas: No

Edmund: That's it _(takes off his jacket, Jacqueline tries to stop him)_

Jacqueline: No Edmund! Don't do it. He's strong enough to rip you to pieces!

Edmund: I'm a vampire, darling. I'm stronger then super man. _(Edmund gets ready to attack. Dandyman stops him)_

Dandyman: Hold up brother, You shouldn't get mad at Jas. He's severely retarded. The only thing he knows how to do is walk, kill horny teenagers and say 'No'.

Jas: No

Dandyman: Yeah that's right, my brother. Now let us in, these fo- I mean friends are with me.

Jas: No _(holds up a thumb then opens the door. Dandyman, Sweet Twins, and Jacqueline walk inside. Edmund walks to the entrance way then stops to look up at Mike)_

Edmund: I guess you can only say the word 'Yes' right. _(Smiles then gets punched in the face)_

Mike: I have a PhD in Guard Duty. I just don't talk to assholes like you. Ain't I right Jas?

Jas: No _(holds up his thumb. Jacqueline holds Edmund up then goes inside. They're now in a red hallway that goes all the way to the yellow ball room. There are sounds of a party going on)_

Jacqueline: Sounds like a very wild party.

Carrie: _(jumps out of no where scarring Jacqueline and Edmund)_ Yeah baby it's wild! We're all wild! _(Takes a swig of rum then holds it out to the couple)._ RedRum?

Jacqueline: No thank you. We don't believe in drinking.

Carrie: Then you won't believe what's happening in the down there! By the way….Pretty Face welcomes you to the Underbridge. REDRUM! _(runs down the hallway)_

Jacqueline: Who's this Pretty Face woman? _(the Sweets laugh.)_

Dandyman: I wouldn't say woman exactly nor would I say a man either. Personally I don't know what Pretty Face is but I think in the next scene Rod Sterling will tell us.

_(Exit Dandyman, Sweet Twins, Jacqueline and Edmund)._

Scene 2

_Enter Rod Sterling_

Sterling: Who exactly is Pretty Face? Well let me tell you who he was before. _(A spotlight shows on a portrait covered by a red velvet covering. He lifts the cover revealing a man in uniform). _This man us to go by the name Clive Bradley an all conservative Christian who served his country proudly until 1942. He was suppose to be flying off to Germany were his life would have ended with honor until he met this man. _(points in the background where the face of FrankenFurter is seen in drag. The words 'I'll make you a ma-ha-ha-an' is heard in the background). _Ever since Mr. Bradley met the mad scientist in drag he began to become….less then human.

_(Rod Sterling Exits)_

Scene 3

_(Enter Jacqueline, Edmund, Dandyman, and Sweet Twins. They are in the yellow ball room). _

Dandyman: Alright Sweeties. Let's get sexy as for you two, have a nice…..honeymoon. _(laughs then exits with the Sweets. Jacqueline and Edmund find a table they look around at the chaos around them.) _

Edmund: I think it was a bad idea to be here.

Jacqueline: Nonsense, I think it's fine. Sure it's crazy but what the worse that can happen?

_Enter Pretty Face dramatically wearing a sparkly black leather dress, white make-up, red lip stick and sparkly pins on top of his head. Edmund and Jacqueline scream in terror._

Pretty Face: Welcome ladies and gentleman to the Underbrige Hotel where you'll experience the finest hotel on the plant and the best sensual thrills in the universe _(winks at the audience, the audience cheers and whistles) _To start off this night we'll begin with a band from another dimension called The Kubrick Effect. Let's give these sexy boys a hand.

_Exit Pretty Face_

* * *

**Merry late Christmas everyone!**


End file.
